lost and lonely - a gaius fanfic
by bangingwithmerlin
Summary: gaius suffers from the pains of being an old fart and merlin is forced to cure his ailments but first he gotta find arthur because they goin in the woods where they face a formidable enemy
1. Ch 1 lost and lonely

it was a beautiful day in camelot. gaius hobbled to his windowsill and sniffed the sweet aroma of tulips.

"ahh as if i was born yesterday"

well if he was born yesterday he'd be a day old - and gaius was certainly not a day old. his frail frame was so delicate it would snap if the wind willed so. the old man sulked in thought of his antiquity and during this time his bunions ached.

"MERLIN!" he screeched "get the herbs and water my feet are killing me!"

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hope u enjoyed !

stay tuned for more gaius and herbs eheh


	2. Ch 2 lost and loney

"MERLIN!" he screeched "get the herbs and water my feet are killing me!"

* * *

the young apprentice entered the room, lingering at the door frame.

"what is it, gaius, sir?"

the old man began to struggle with his breathing, bending over to lean on the windowsill.

"gaius?!" merlin sprinted over to the physician. he looped his slender arm around the man's delicate neck and his right hand grabbed onto his rump for support. he shimmied his master onto the bed before slapping his face repeatedly.

"wHAT'RE... YU.. DOiNG.. BOY?" gaius spat in merlin's face. "GET HER-"

merlin began to panic. "the what?"

"THE HERR-"

"what?"

"THE HEEEEEEEEEEER-" gaius' eyes dilated, he began to convulse madly and his head lifelessly fell into his shoulder.

* * *

oo cliffhanger !

dw gaius probably wont die probably


	3. Ch 3 lose adn loney

"THE HEEEEEEEEEEER-" gaius' eyes dilated, he began to convulse madly and his head lifelessly fell into his shoulder.

* * *

"gaiUs?!" merlin shook his master. "g-gaius?"

a lump formed in his throat. was he dead? (he wasn't dead.) merlin closed his eyes and remembered what gaius's dying breaths had been about. the herbs. what were the herbs? what were they for? how could he find the herbs? that's extremely inconsiderate of gaius to expect merlin to know what kind of friggin herbs he needed. jesus.

merlin stood up and dropped gaius's corpse to the floor.

a tear fell from his eyeball.

"i will save you, guy-ass," merlin vowed "if it's the last thing i do!"

he sprinted out the wooden door and hopped on his donkey which he rode to the palace.

a guard stopped him on his path, "hey you!" he said.

"what" merlin replied.

"you ain't welcome here"

"why not"

"no magic allowed"

"i'm not magic"

"oh okay u can pass then lol"

merlin passed through the portcullis and trotted over to where he saw arthur clipping his toenails.

merlin swung off his donkey and placed his hand on arthur's shoulder.

"why are you touchin me"

"i need your help."

"with what"

merlin paused.

he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"we must find..." a gale passed them, making their cloaks dance violently in air "...the herb."

* * *

s_oz i've been away for so long i've been in hawaii_


	4. Ch 4 loneuly and lost

"we must find..." a gale passed them, making their cloaks dance violently in air "...the herb."

* * *

"what for?" arthur asked, smelling his toe cheese.

"long story..." merlin sighed.

arthur raised his eyebrow.

"basically, gaius is dead."

"oh, cool. i'll get my things."

arthur ran off into the distance for a brief moment and returned with a handbag, an artichoke, a band-aid and a wooden sword. "i think that's everything" he said at last.

merlin nodded with approval and hopped back onto his donkey. arthur joined him, wrapping his arms tightly around merlins neck.

they rode for what seemed like weeks. it wasn't actually for weeks, because if it was, gaius would have decomposed already.

"d-d-did you hear that?" arthur squeaked, tightening his hold on merlin's neck "sounds like a monster!"

the growl echoed through the forest once more, causing arthur to jump a little. "merlin?"

arthur let go of the boy's neck and noticed that he was snoring. "ya fukin clotpole!" he hit merlin's head with the artichoke.

"OWWW!" merlin yelped, rubbing his head "i was just takin a quick nap!"

arthur's eyes were filled with fear. loud footsteps approached. the leaves rustled.

"m-m-m-merlin!" he squealed, pointing in the direction of the foe.

* * *

hey guis im back lol 2 chapters in one night woo0o

message me iff u want a special character appearance in the story!


	5. Ch 5 lone and losely

"m-m-m-merlin!" he squealed, pointing in the direction of the foe.

* * *

the monster arose from the bushes. it was green, obese and naked. (it's not shrek(

"OGRE!" arthur screamed, burying his face in merlin's back.

the beast roared and its vile breath melted merlin's clothes from his body.

"let us pass!" merlin grunted, a sudden burst of courage flooding through his veins despite being butt naked.

"NOO! kerhs want friend!" the orge threw a tantrum.

"i'm sorry, kerhs, but we have to find the holy herb of wonders to save my master. we cannot linger any longer."

merlin stopped for a moment. holy herb of wonders? where in camelot did that come from? was this some sort of insight ability born from destiny of the great herb god? he shook his head. must have been a slip of the tongue.

kerhs grew angry at merlin's final answer and began swinging his large green fists around and around like a windmill. "IF KERHS NOT HAVE FRIEND, YOU NO HAVE LIVE!"

merlin dug his heels into the donkey and he galloped forwards in an instant, avoiding the attack of the mighty kerhs. the ogre wound up his fist and ran at the adventurers again. the donkey dodged the attack once more, swinging on his back hooves, arthur falling off in the process. the artichoke from arthur's handbag went flying and landed in kerhs's cleavage. he removed the artichoke with his oversized hands and examined it.

"f-f-friend?" he said "FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND"

he raised the artichoke to the heavens and rocked in back and forth, showering it with kisses and then running off into his cave.

"well," arthur sighed, hopping onto the donkey "onward, i suppose."

* * *

sorry im not good at fight scenes

stay tuned for more naked merlin!


	6. Ch 6 loste and lenoly

the duo continued on, traversing through the dense forest on their donkey. it was a couple of hours later when arthur finally broke the silence.

"merlin, aren't you cold? being naked and all?"

merlin twisted his neck to look at the blonde prince behind him, who clutched onto his handbag and his wooden sword in hand.

"not really," merlin explained "i like the feel of the cold breeze against my thighs."

arthur shrugged and merlin looked straight ahead once more, focusing on his quest to find gaius' herb. they followed along a dusty path that was barely visible against the forest floor. it led them to a majestic stream, which seemed to glitter in the sunlight that penetrated through the forest canopy. the prince and his manservant mismounted the steed.

"merlin, lead the ass to the water, i'll-"

a twig snapped in the distance. stepping forward slowly, arthur unsheated his wooden blade. he looked towards merlin, holding a finger to his lips. arthur tiptoed to the stream, gripping tightly onto his sword, heart pounding. from the corner of his eye he noticed a rustling bush.

"AH-HAA!" arthur shrieked, jumping into the air and thrusting his weapon down into the bush.

"OWWOW!" a strangely sexy voice cried from within the leaves. arthur stood his ground, his hand on his hip, handbag around his neck and sword pointed towards the bush at a 45 degree angle.

"knock knock" the bush said.

arthur raised his eyebrow inquisitively. "who's there?"

"it'sa me!" a figure jumped out of the bush "mari- gwaine!" he shot merlin a dazzling smile which made him weak at the knees.

"what are yu doing here?" arthur asked.

" good question" gwaine snorted, stumbling towards arthur. "something to do with... pickles." he winced as he touched the wound on his head that arthur had inflicted. he lost footing, tripping face first into some poo.

"he ded?" merlin said, patting the donkey as it drank from the stream.

* * *

sorry its been so long guys lol


	7. Ch 7 lsot and loney

"what are yu doing here?" arthur asked.

" good question" gwaine snorted, stumbling towards arthur. "something to do with... pickles." he winced as he touched the wound on his head that arthur had inflicted. he lost footing, tripping face first into some poo.

"he ded?" merlin said, patting the donkey as it drank from the stream.

* * *

it took some time before gwaine regained consciousness, and when he did, he realised he was lying across the arse of an ass with the arse of merlin in his view. this arguably glorious view was such a shock to gwaine that he screamed in an octave higher than what is conceivably possible. the sound emanating from gwaine's mouth was so angelic and graceful that it transformed the donkey into a puddle of chocolate mousse.

"what have yu done u idiot!" arthur cried as he bonked gwaine on the head, precisely where he already had a wound "now we have to walk on foot ffs."

merlin wasn't too concerned with walking as he was far too preoccupied thinking about gwaine's gorgeous voice and gorgeous hair and gorgeous cheekbones and gorgeous bottom all while devouring the donkey mousse.

gwaine felt slightly guilty about ruining their chances of finding the holy herbe of wonders, and also realised he possibly ruined an opportunity to fulfil his own mysterious pickle quest. he buried his beautiful face in his beautiful hands as he ran through some trees and to a lake, where he sobbed alone for several minutes.

8====D

meanwhile, merlin had finished licking the donkey mousse off his fingers.

"u relly shouldnt have screamed at him" he said, scratching his bare bottom "he too pretty."

arthur uncrossed his arms and sighed "yeh i no"

he sheathed his wooden sword in his handbag and they moved towards the direction gwaine had run off crying.

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gracias per reading amigos


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